1
00:00:05,138 --> 00:00:07,902
Everybody, I got bad news.
We've been cancelled.

2
00:00:08,041 --> 00:00:10,339
Oh no, Peter, how could they do that?

3
00:00:10,443 --> 00:00:13,412
Unfortunately, Lois, there's just
no more room on the schedule.

4
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:17,279
We've just got to accept the fact that
Fox has to make room for terrific shows...

5
00:00:17,384 --> 00:00:20,444
<i>like Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared...</i>

6
00:00:20,553 --> 00:00:22,453
<i>Action, That Eighties Show...</i>

7
00:00:22,555 --> 00:00:26,992
<i>Wonderfalls, Fastlane,
Andy Richter Controls the Universe...</i>

8
00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:30,324
<i>Skin, Girls Club, Cracking Up...</i>

9
00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:33,593
<i>The Pitts, Firefly, Get Real...</i>

10
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:38,364
<i>FreakyLinks, Wanda at Large,
Costello, The Lone Gunmen...</i>

11
00:00:38,471 --> 00:00:42,601
<i>A Minute with Stan Hooper,
Normal, Ohio, Pasadena...</i>

12
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:46,975
<i>Harsh Realm, Keen Eddie, The Street,
American Embassy...</i>

13
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:51,210
<i>Cedric the Entertainer,
The Tick, Louie, and Greg the Bunny.</i>

14
00:00:51,317 --> 00:00:52,409
Is there no hope?

15
00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:56,046
Well, I suppose if all those shows
go down the tubes, we might have a shot.

16
00:00:56,489 --> 00:00:59,686
<i>It seems today that all you see</i>

17
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:03,354
<i>Is violence in movies and sex on TV</i>

18
00:01:03,463 --> 00:01:06,728
<i>But where are those
good old-fashioned values</i>

19
00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:09,631
<i>On which we used to rely?</i>

20
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:13,198
<i>Lucky there's a family guy</i>

21
00:01:13,306 --> 00:01:16,298
<i>Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do</i>

22
00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:18,033
<i>All the things that make us</i>

23
00:01:18,311 --> 00:01:19,903
<i>Laugh and cry</i>

24
00:01:20,046 --> 00:01:24,779
<i>He's a family guy</i>

25
00:01:31,624 --> 00:01:33,649
<i>- What are you watching, Peter?
- Passion of the Christ.</i>

26
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:37,127
I tell you, Brian, I can't believe
that this guy's just lying there taking it.

27
00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:39,255
If it was me, I would have done
something about it.

28
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,768
Hey!

29
00:01:45,872 --> 00:01:47,339
Hey, hey.

30
00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:50,067
Stop it.

31
00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:52,007
- Okay.
- Okay?

32
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,807
- Okay.
- All right.

33
00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:56,108
- Hi, boys.
- I didn't have my hands down my pants.

34
00:01:56,216 --> 00:01:57,478
Good for you.

35
00:01:57,584 --> 00:02:00,109
I just bought us some new sheets
at Bed Bath and Beyond.

36
00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:02,518
Boy, I hope you stayed away
from that Beyond section.

37
00:02:06,659 --> 00:02:08,183
Here are the coffee mugs.

38
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:18,634
Honey, what do you say
we christen these new sheets?

39
00:02:18,738 --> 00:02:21,730
Why, Lois Griffin, you naughty girl.

40
00:02:21,841 --> 00:02:24,036
- That's me.
- You dirty hustler.

41
00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:28,913
- You filthy, stinky prostitute.
- Okay, I get it.

42
00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:32,314
You foul, venereal-disease-carrying,
streetwalking whore.

43
00:02:32,418 --> 00:02:33,885
All right, that's enough.

44
00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:51,367
It's good to have land.

45
00:02:55,408 --> 00:02:56,875
George!

46
00:02:56,976 --> 00:03:00,241
- George? Who the hell is George?
- George Clooney.

47
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:03,941
Our sex is so dull for you that you
got to fantasize about George Clooney?

48
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:05,278
I'm sorry, honey.

49
00:03:05,385 --> 00:03:08,115
I guess that things have become
a little stale for me.

50
00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:09,586
I don't know what to do.

51
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:12,385
I mean, I don't really know that much
about any kinky stuff.

52
00:03:12,492 --> 00:03:14,926
I mean, I could hook this car battery
up to my nipples.

53
00:03:15,962 --> 00:03:16,929
Oh, God!

54
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,122
Ow! Ow! Ow!

55
00:03:18,231 --> 00:03:19,858
This doing it for you?

56
00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:24,665
I don't know.
I just don't feel that spark anymore.

57
00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:28,229
I mean, our honeymoon.
So much rug burn!

58
00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:30,309
Wait a second, Lois. That's what we need.

59
00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:31,877
We'll go on a second honeymoon.

60
00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:34,469
Peter, that's a wonderful idea!

61
00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:36,640
<i>Yeah. We'll be just like
The Honeymooners!</i>

62
00:03:36,749 --> 00:03:39,912
<i>One of these days, Alice.
One of these days...</i>

63
00:03:40,019 --> 00:03:42,988
<i>Yeah, yeah. I know, Ralph.
Right to the moon.</i>

64
00:03:51,831 --> 00:03:54,299
Well, that's everything.
Now, remember, kids...

65
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:57,267
Brian is in charge while your father and I
are out at Cape Cod.

66
00:03:57,370 --> 00:04:00,533
I'll take good care of them, Lois.
You guys have a good time.

67
00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:04,905
- Be good.
- Bye, Mom, I love you!

68
00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:09,142
Brian, if I choose to make
stool in my pants right now...

69
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,978
you're the only one here to change me.

70
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,346
What do you think of that?

71
00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:13,783
- I'm not gonna change you.
- What?

72
00:04:13,886 --> 00:04:16,548
- I said, I'm not going to change you.
- You can't be serious.

73
00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:18,248
What if I make a fudgie?

74
00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:20,849
I just won't, that's all. I just won't.

75
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:22,222
Blast, I just did!

76
00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:24,395
Chris, cut it out!

77
00:04:24,497 --> 00:04:28,058
Brian, Chris just picked his nose
and he keeps touching me with his finger!

78
00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:32,001
What good is mining nose gold
if I can't share it with the townspeople?

79
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:35,302
I swear to God, these kids are gonna
make me put a bullet through my head.

80
00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:37,968
If I was in charge,
we wouldn't be having this problem.

81
00:04:38,077 --> 00:04:39,237
You got some ideas? Tell me.

82
00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:42,712
I'll tell you.
Of course, I'll want a favor in exchange.

83
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:47,077
How does it smell, dog?
Does it smell like servitude?

84
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:49,853
Aft torpedoes, fire!

85
00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:53,650
Lois?

86
00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:57,120
Hey, Lois, honey?

87
00:04:59,165 --> 00:05:00,530
Sweetheart?

88
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:04,759
You're awake!

89
00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:08,363
- Hey, can you hand me the pretzels?
- Here. Where are we?

90
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:12,410
About two hours from Cape Cod's
most luxurious bed and breakfast.

91
00:05:12,512 --> 00:05:14,537
Peter, this is gonna be wonderful.

92
00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:17,673
I'm so excited
I want to prep my diaphragm now.

93
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:20,276
Gross. Hey, why don't you
go back to sleep?

94
00:05:20,386 --> 00:05:22,513
- I'll wake you up when we get there.
- Okay.

95
00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:39,571
Look at all those hamburgers.

96
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:42,607
You can't eat all those hamburgers,
you stupid fellow!

97
00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:53,176
He's gonna do it! He's so ridiculous.

98
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:56,187
You hear me, you ridiculous man? You're...

99
00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:03,186
Peter, what the hell is wrong with you?
I fall asleep for 10 minutes...

100
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:05,161
and you plow the car into a tree?

101
00:06:05,264 --> 00:06:09,166
Oh, my God! You got to pay attention
to the road. We could have been killed!

102
00:06:09,268 --> 00:06:10,963
I mean, look at the front of our car.

103
00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:13,300
It's totaled. It's completely totaled, Peter!

104
00:06:13,406 --> 00:06:15,738
This is just terrific.
How are we gonna get...

105
00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:16,968
Oh, my God!

106
00:06:17,076 --> 00:06:19,374
I knew I should have driven.
I should always drive.

107
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:21,811
I cannot trust you, Peter Griffin!

108
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,150
Dear God, this is where we're sleeping?

109
00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:31,780
Come on, Lois. They said
they'd have the car fixed by tomorrow.

110
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:34,257
And then our second honeymoon's back
on track.

111
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:35,850
Peter, there's a hooker on the bed.

112
00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:38,123
- Hi.
- Stand perfectly still, Lois.

113
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,597
Their vision is based on movement.

114
00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:42,291
Where did you go?

115
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:47,061
<i>And now back to Two and a Half Men.</i>

116
00:06:50,843 --> 00:06:52,140
<i>Kill me!</i>

117
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:55,179
<i>Turn it, Chris.
I want to watch George Lopez.</i>

118
00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:59,047
That show only furthers the stereotype
that George Lopez is funny.

119
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,915
- Give me that!
- Chris, Give me the remote.

120
00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:03,318
- Chris, stop!
- Stop doing that!

121
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,549
My hat!

122
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,820
Wear it now.

123
00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:12,928
You two better settle down.

124
00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:15,694
- Chris, give Meg her hat.
- I don't have to listen to you.

125
00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:18,794
You're a dog! You don't have a soul!

126
00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:19,872
Ow.

127
00:07:19,972 --> 00:07:21,872
Don't take that. Raise your voice to them.

128
00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:23,566
Hey! Knock it off!

129
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:29,077
Look, you kids are obviously in need
of some type of activity.

130
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,548
I don't know. What do you say
we read a book or something?

131
00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:33,414
Stewie, what does Peter have
on his bookshelf?

132
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:38,286
<i>Two Garfield books and the novelization
of the movie Caddyshack.</i>

133
00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:42,219
"Mananananana," said Ty,
sinking yet another ball.

134
00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:43,590
"Mananananana... " Hang on.

135
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,688
Thank God.

136
00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:49,900
<i>"Garfield at Large, by Jim Davis. "</i>

137
00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:54,405
Now, as you can see in this panel,
Garfield doesn't care for Nermal.

138
00:07:54,507 --> 00:07:58,034
But like him or not, Nermal is here to stay.

139
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,476
Or is he? Let's read on.

140
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,207
Okay, I'll be there.

141
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:05,148
Peter and Lois were supposed to
chaperone Chris' school dance...

142
00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:07,082
tomorrow night. So, I guess it's up to me.

143
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:10,417
You mean it's up to us. Clearly you
need my help with this parenting thing.

144
00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:11,820
You're too stupid to do it alone.

145
00:08:11,924 --> 00:08:15,416
Besides, I know how to deal with
children, unlike Mr. Geppetto.

146
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:20,058
Oh, no. I dropped my glasses.

147
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,436
By the way, Pinocchio,
there was a cookie missing from the jar.

148
00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:26,630
Did you take it by any chance?

149
00:08:26,739 --> 00:08:29,264
Yes, Papa Geppetto. I'm sorry.

150
00:08:29,475 --> 00:08:33,536
Are you sure you took it? Because
I'd believe you if you said you didn't.

151
00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:36,410
No, I took it, Papa. I wouldn't lie to you.

152
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:39,144
You could try. Who knows?
You might get away with it.

153
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:44,485
$900 to fix the car.

154
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:46,285
That was all the money we had
for this trip.

155
00:08:46,392 --> 00:08:48,587
Look, Peter, this second honeymoon
was a nice thought...

156
00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:50,525
but maybe we should just go home.

157
00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:55,362
<i>Coming up, handsome mustachioed man
recaps news in pleasing baritone.</i>

158
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,095
<i>Stay tuned for this and more.</i>

159
00:08:58,337 --> 00:09:02,171
<i>But first, Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa
is on hand for the opening...</i>

160
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,300
<i>of Manhattan's newest luxury hotel.</i>

161
00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:07,243
<i>Diane, I am standing outside the
Park Barrington Hotel...</i>

162
00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:10,179
<i>because they don't allow Asians inside.</i>

163
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:13,684
Fancy place. Boy, that'd make
some second honeymoon.

164
00:09:13,786 --> 00:09:17,517
<i>The Park Barrington is already attracting
some big names.</i>

165
00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:21,650
<i>Such as Christianity enthusiast
Mel Gibson, who has his own room...</i>

166
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:26,198
<i>on permanent reserve.
A room which he barely uses.</i>

167
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:30,599
Barely uses? Lois, I just got an idea!

168
00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:33,433
Much better than that time
I experimented with gene splicing.

169
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:37,201
Lois, quick question.
Do we have any Tylenol?

170
00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:45,981
How I envy them, dog. They've got
their whole lives ahead of them.

171
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:49,543
Man, look at that kid.
That is one ugly eighth grader.

172
00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:51,748
You don't want to hurt yourself dancing.

173
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:55,623
Make sure you stretch out
those creamy hamstrings.

174
00:09:56,862 --> 00:09:59,126
Come on, Chris. It's just vodka.

175
00:09:59,231 --> 00:10:01,722
Jake swiped it
from his dad's liquor cabinet.

176
00:10:02,001 --> 00:10:03,832
Yeah, see? It's good.

177
00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:06,995
Well, okay. Maybe just one sip.

178
00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:10,101
Christopher Griffin, is that alcohol?

179
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:12,109
Mister, you're in serious trouble.

180
00:10:12,211 --> 00:10:16,011
He's absolutely right, kids.
Because when you drink, nobody wins.

181
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:19,482
In fact, last year alone,
there were over 27,000 deaths from...

182
00:10:19,585 --> 00:10:22,213
chronic liver disease
as a result of alcohol abuse.

183
00:10:22,321 --> 00:10:25,290
- Now we know.
- And knowing is half the battle.

184
00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:29,024
G.I. Joe!

185
00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:38,531
- Peter, we can't afford this.
- No, but Mel Gibson can.

186
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:45,771
Excuse me, I'm Mel Gibson, here for
the key to my specially reserved room.

187
00:10:45,911 --> 00:10:46,935
You're Mel Gibson?

188
00:10:47,046 --> 00:10:49,344
Yes, I've put on a few pounds
for my next role.

189
00:10:49,448 --> 00:10:54,112
I play Peter Griffin, a heroic warrior
who defied the English to free England...

190
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:56,051
- from the English.
- Holy mackerel!

191
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:57,986
Let me show you
to your room, Mr. Gibson!

192
00:10:58,891 --> 00:11:00,859
Peter, the toilet paper is made of money.

193
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:04,327
Yeah, and look at this. They even got
some of that high-class British porn.

194
00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:07,991
<i>Almost. Almost. Almost.</i>

195
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,767
<i>- There we are.
- Well done.</i>

196
00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:13,329
Did you think you were cool?

197
00:11:13,973 --> 00:11:16,100
Did you think you were grown up?

198
00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:18,073
I didn't actually drink any of it.

199
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,304
Besides, Jake Tucker gave it to me.

200
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:23,849
We are going to have a talk with Jake's
parents tomorrow after my burping.

201
00:11:23,949 --> 00:11:25,712
And, in the meantime,
you're grounded, Chris.

202
00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:27,547
Come on. That sucks!

203
00:11:27,653 --> 00:11:30,645
- Do you want us to pull over?
- I don't care what you do!

204
00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:33,122
We'll pull over. We'll pull over. Pull over.

205
00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:42,396
If your teachers ask about your bruises,
what do you tell them?

206
00:11:42,501 --> 00:11:45,493
I got hit by a baseball!

207
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,903
- Mel!
- Mel? Wait a minute.

208
00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:57,209
You were fantasizing about Mel Gibson.

209
00:11:58,484 --> 00:12:00,418
You don't find me attractive anymore.

210
00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:02,453
Honey, I'm sorry. I know you're trying.

211
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,649
But you can't force the spark
back into our marriage.

212
00:12:05,758 --> 00:12:09,250
Well, then I guess this whole second
honeymoon was a waste of time.

213
00:12:09,361 --> 00:12:11,022
- Peter...
- I don't want to talk about it!

214
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:12,529
I'm just gonna watch British porn.

215
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,801
<i>You know, Margaret, we could have
sexual intercourse right now.</i>

216
00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:20,133
<i>- Yes, yes we could.
- But, let's not.</i>

217
00:12:24,143 --> 00:12:26,338
Do you think we were too hard
on Chris tonight?

218
00:12:26,445 --> 00:12:28,811
What? Oh, God, no.

219
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,074
No, no. I don't...

220
00:12:30,182 --> 00:12:31,479
I don't think so.

221
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:33,051
Do you?

222
00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:36,588
No, I just always feel badly
when we have to be strict.

223
00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:39,449
Did I remember to turn the stove off?

224
00:12:39,859 --> 00:12:40,883
Yes.

225
00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:44,786
I'm sorry for everything
that's happened, Peter.

226
00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:46,626
I guess I'm going through a phase
right now...

227
00:12:46,732 --> 00:12:48,290
where I'm only attracted
to handsome men.

228
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:49,924
Well, what are we supposed to do, Lois?

229
00:12:50,035 --> 00:12:52,333
Just admit that there's no excitement
left in our marriage?

230
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,998
Go home and spend the rest of our lives
looking at each other...

231
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:57,940
across the breakfast table, talking about
how much we both like Total?

232
00:12:58,043 --> 00:12:59,874
- I love Total.
- Actually, so do I.

233
00:12:59,979 --> 00:13:02,971
And it's healthy for us, too.
Oh, God! It's starting already!

234
00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:04,845
Lois, we are screwed.

235
00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:12,885
Mel Gibson's secret screening room.

236
00:13:12,992 --> 00:13:14,619
Hey, what's this?

237
00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:23,000
<i>The Messiah, he's gone.</i>

238
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:24,160
<i>Where did he go?</i>

239
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:30,468
<i>Hang on.</i>

240
00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:34,038
<i>Man, you crazy, Jesus. You crazy!</i>

241
00:13:34,246 --> 00:13:35,770
<i>That's what my ex-wife said.</i>

242
00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:40,143
<i>For the son of God,
you sure are a son of a...</i>

243
00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:44,281
<i>Chris Tucker and Jim...</i>

244
00:13:45,691 --> 00:13:48,592
<i>Caviziel? Is that it?
The guy from the first one?</i>

245
00:13:48,694 --> 00:13:50,787
Passion of the Christ 2:

246
00:13:50,896 --> 00:13:51,920
Crucify This.

247
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:04,100
<i>- You know how to use one of these?
- You know how to use one of these?</i>

248
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:10,112
<i>This July, let he who is without sin...</i>

249
00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:12,844
<i>kick the first ass.</i>

250
00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:17,445
Man, that's all we need.
More Mel Gibson Jesus mumbo jumbo.

251
00:14:17,556 --> 00:14:19,456
Well, not if I have anything to say about it!

252
00:14:19,558 --> 00:14:22,584
I am going to make sure
this never sees the light of day.

253
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,094
Peter, are you crazy?

254
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:27,256
Stealing Mel Gibson's towels,
bathrobes, and Nazi paraphernalia...

255
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:29,994
is one thing,
but this is a multi-million-dollar film.

256
00:14:30,102 --> 00:14:32,002
And he's a very powerful man.

257
00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:34,265
He could have us arrested or killed.

258
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:35,965
It's worth the risk, Lois.

259
00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:38,908
To save the world
another two hours of torture.

260
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:42,310
We gotta get rid of this thing for the sake
of Jesus and Snoopy...

261
00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:44,644
and all the other
beloved children's characters.

262
00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:45,739
Let's go!

263
00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:48,610
Pardon me. We work for Mel Gibson.

264
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:52,157
Seems he left something very valuable
in his room and we're here to retrieve it.

265
00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:54,351
Mr. Gibson just checked out
a moment ago.

266
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:55,927
There he goes now.

267
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:57,859
Lois, run!

268
00:14:57,963 --> 00:14:59,260
Hey, stop!

269
00:15:15,814 --> 00:15:17,213
They're gaining on us.

270
00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:18,943
We never should have stolen this film.

271
00:15:19,051 --> 00:15:22,350
Man, this is even more intense
than that time I forgot how to sit down.

272
00:15:28,627 --> 00:15:31,061
Don't worry, Lois.
I think I know how to lose them.

273
00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:39,598
- Peter, what the hell are you doing?
- Lois, trust me.

274
00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:43,368
- How many times have I done this before?
- All right, but be careful.

275
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:10,960
Okay, now, be polite. And for God's sake...

276
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:12,765
don't mention anything
about his kid's face.

277
00:16:12,871 --> 00:16:15,635
Shut up! I am always so polite.

278
00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:20,110
I hope we don't wind up
on the evening news 'cause of this.

279
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,243
You're funny.

280
00:16:23,849 --> 00:16:25,749
Brian, please come in.

281
00:16:26,952 --> 00:16:28,749
Can my wife, Stacy, get you anything?

282
00:16:28,854 --> 00:16:31,118
- Go to hell, Tom.
- Already there, hon.

283
00:16:31,223 --> 00:16:34,681
Yes, well, Mr. Tucker, it seems
your son Jake had some vodka...

284
00:16:34,793 --> 00:16:37,956
at the school dance
and Chris got blamed for it.

285
00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:42,261
This whole situation has just turned
his whole life upside-down face.

286
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:49,965
It's no concern of mine if it's turned
his life upside-down face.

287
00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:52,475
- Jake's a good boy. Aren't you, Jake?
- Yeah!

288
00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,045
- Look, Mr. Tucker, I...
- We're through here.

289
00:16:54,146 --> 00:16:55,135
Get out of my house, Benji!

290
00:16:55,247 --> 00:16:58,182
Fine! If you're gonna be that way
about it, maybe I'll do this.

291
00:16:58,283 --> 00:16:59,910
- Yeah, look at this.
- Stop that!

292
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,247
Yeah, you don't like this, huh?

293
00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:04,186
- This is what Benji would do.
- Stop doing that in my carpet!

294
00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:07,690
- Knock it off! Stop it!
- That feels so good.

295
00:17:09,261 --> 00:17:12,856
There's got to be a way to get back
at Jake Tucker for what he did to Chris.

296
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:16,025
I know! Let's plant drugs in his locker.

297
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:19,434
- Oh, my God! That's a great idea.
- Yeah, thought you'd like that.

298
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:22,098
Hey, look at that Yosemite Sam mud flap.

299
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,437
You had better stay back, Brian.

300
00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:29,369
I think we lost them.

301
00:17:30,682 --> 00:17:32,775
You stay here. I'm gonna go bury this film.

302
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,356
Well, Mel Gibson,
this is one piece of crap...

303
00:17:38,457 --> 00:17:40,391
the world will never have to
suffer through.

304
00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:42,759
I am so clever.

305
00:17:42,861 --> 00:17:45,261
That's why they picked me
to convince Congress to go to war.

306
00:17:46,365 --> 00:17:49,391
There is no just cause
for an invasion of Iraq.

307
00:17:49,501 --> 00:17:52,299
Well, that may be.
But what we're all forgetting is...

308
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:54,895
anyone who doesn't
want to go to war is gay.

309
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,975
- I want to go to war.
- Yes.

310
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,442
- We should definitely go.
- Yes, we should totally go to war.

311
00:17:59,545 --> 00:18:01,342
I was the first one who wanted to
go to war.

312
00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:17,487
Peter!

313
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,356
Lois!

314
00:18:36,715 --> 00:18:39,946
Don't take this personally, Mrs. Griffin.
I'm doing this because I have to.

315
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,314
What are you gonna do to me?

316
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:43,012
What are you gonna do to me?

317
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:46,285
As soon as your husband gives me
what I want, you're free to go.

318
00:18:46,391 --> 00:18:47,688
Anybody home?

319
00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:51,660
- Peter!
- All right, Gibson. I want my wife back.

320
00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:53,663
Or a woman
of equal physical attractiveness.

321
00:18:53,765 --> 00:18:54,959
Where's the film?

322
00:18:56,668 --> 00:19:00,229
- Come on, honey, let's get out of here.
- You're just gonna give him the film?

323
00:19:00,339 --> 00:19:02,398
Don't worry, Lois.
There's a dog turd in there.

324
00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:04,499
But by the time he finds out,
we'll be long...

325
00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:06,077
There's a dog turd in here.

326
00:19:06,545 --> 00:19:07,637
- Lois?
- What?

327
00:19:07,746 --> 00:19:08,838
Jump!

328
00:19:10,716 --> 00:19:11,740
No, wait!

329
00:19:11,850 --> 00:19:14,683
I'll deal with them myself.

330
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,291
We're on top of the monument.

331
00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:24,555
Holy crap!

332
00:19:30,869 --> 00:19:33,497
You know, I know this is the wrong time
to be star struck...

333
00:19:33,605 --> 00:19:36,267
but Mel Gibson is shooting at us.

334
00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:42,036
Peter, help!

335
00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:44,377
Oh, man. I'm coming, Lois.

336
00:19:45,384 --> 00:19:47,648
Lois, look. I'm a booger.

337
00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:51,519
- Peter, for God's sake!
- Okay. Grab my hand.

338
00:19:53,992 --> 00:19:57,189
And now, Mr. Griffin, I want that film.

339
00:19:57,296 --> 00:20:00,754
Sure. It's right over there
in President Rushmore's mouth.

340
00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:09,435
My God! He just walked
right over the edge.

341
00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:12,942
Of course, he did.
Christians don't believe in gravity.

342
00:20:16,481 --> 00:20:19,473
- Peter, it's back.
- What, that rash?

343
00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:21,052
No, the spark.

344
00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:25,385
Honey, I have never been
more attracted to you than I am right now.

345
00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:26,923
Really? Wow!

346
00:20:27,025 --> 00:20:29,858
So I guess this honeymoon
was just the kind of excitement...

347
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,190
our marriage needed.

348
00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:34,766
- I guess it just goes to show that you...
- Shut up and let's do it!

349
00:20:39,104 --> 00:20:41,470
Peter!
Yes!

350
00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:45,270
Hey, Jefferson, check it out.
A chick getting nailed on my head.

351
00:20:45,377 --> 00:20:48,540
Sweet. Hey, Teddy, pass the word
down to Frankenstein.

352
00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:49,976
Oh, ha-ha!

353
00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:54,411
<i>In local news, a Buddy Cianci
Junior High School student...</i>

354
00:20:54,519 --> 00:20:56,714
<i>has been arrested for possession of drugs.</i>

355
00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:59,791
<i>The student has been sentenced
to 200 hours of community service...</i>

356
00:20:59,891 --> 00:21:01,620
<i>and is a very bad boy.</i>

357
00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:04,924
<i>We now go to Ollie Williams for the
punishment forecast. Ollie?</i>

358
00:21:05,030 --> 00:21:06,497
<i>- He gonna get it!
- Thanks, Ollie.</i>

359
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:07,565
<i>Now this.</i>

360
00:21:07,666 --> 00:21:09,657
So you actually put coke
in that kid's locker?

361
00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:11,258
- Yup.
- Where'd you get it?

362
00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:12,337
I got a guy.

363
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:15,895
Don't let it get the best of you.
I used to be a lawyer.

364
00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:19,068
See you next week.
Good to be back, America.