1 00:00:05,138 --> 00:00:07,902 Everybody, I got bad news. We've been cancelled. 2 00:00:08,041 --> 00:00:10,339 Oh no, Peter, how could they do that? 3 00:00:10,443 --> 00:00:13,412 Unfortunately, Lois, there's just no more room on the schedule. 4 00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:17,279 We've just got to accept the fact that Fox has to make room for terrific shows... 5 00:00:17,384 --> 00:00:20,444 like Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared... 6 00:00:20,553 --> 00:00:22,453 Action, That Eighties Show... 7 00:00:22,555 --> 00:00:26,992 Wonderfalls, Fastlane, Andy Richter Controls the Universe... 8 00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:30,324 Skin, Girls Club, Cracking Up... 9 00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:33,593 The Pitts, Firefly, Get Real... 10 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:38,364 FreakyLinks, Wanda at Large, Costello, The Lone Gunmen... 11 00:00:38,471 --> 00:00:42,601 A Minute with Stan Hooper, Normal, Ohio, Pasadena... 12 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:46,975 Harsh Realm, Keen Eddie, The Street, American Embassy... 13 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:51,210 Cedric the Entertainer, The Tick, Louie, and Greg the Bunny. 14 00:00:51,317 --> 00:00:52,409 Is there no hope? 15 00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:56,046 Well, I suppose if all those shows go down the tubes, we might have a shot. 16 00:00:56,489 --> 00:00:59,686 It seems today that all you see 17 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:03,354 Is violence in movies and sex on TV 18 00:01:03,463 --> 00:01:06,728 But where are those good old-fashioned values 19 00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:09,631 On which we used to rely? 20 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:13,198 Lucky there's a family guy 21 00:01:13,306 --> 00:01:16,298 Lucky there's a man who Positively can do 22 00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:18,033 All the things that make us 23 00:01:18,311 --> 00:01:19,903 Laugh and cry 24 00:01:20,046 --> 00:01:24,779 He's a family guy 25 00:01:31,624 --> 00:01:33,649 - What are you watching, Peter? - Passion of the Christ. 26 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:37,127 I tell you, Brian, I can't believe that this guy's just lying there taking it. 27 00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:39,255 If it was me, I would have done something about it. 28 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,768 Hey! 29 00:01:45,872 --> 00:01:47,339 Hey, hey. 30 00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:50,067 Stop it. 31 00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:52,007 - Okay. - Okay? 32 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,807 - Okay. - All right. 33 00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:56,108 - Hi, boys. - I didn't have my hands down my pants. 34 00:01:56,216 --> 00:01:57,478 Good for you. 35 00:01:57,584 --> 00:02:00,109 I just bought us some new sheets at Bed Bath and Beyond. 36 00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:02,518 Boy, I hope you stayed away from that Beyond section. 37 00:02:06,659 --> 00:02:08,183 Here are the coffee mugs. 38 00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:18,634 Honey, what do you say we christen these new sheets? 39 00:02:18,738 --> 00:02:21,730 Why, Lois Griffin, you naughty girl. 40 00:02:21,841 --> 00:02:24,036 - That's me. - You dirty hustler. 41 00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:28,913 - You filthy, stinky prostitute. - Okay, I get it. 42 00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:32,314 You foul, venereal-disease-carrying, streetwalking whore. 43 00:02:32,418 --> 00:02:33,885 All right, that's enough. 44 00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:51,367 It's good to have land. 45 00:02:55,408 --> 00:02:56,875 George! 46 00:02:56,976 --> 00:03:00,241 - George? Who the hell is George? - George Clooney. 47 00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:03,941 Our sex is so dull for you that you got to fantasize about George Clooney? 48 00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:05,278 I'm sorry, honey. 49 00:03:05,385 --> 00:03:08,115 I guess that things have become a little stale for me. 50 00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:09,586 I don't know what to do. 51 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:12,385 I mean, I don't really know that much about any kinky stuff. 52 00:03:12,492 --> 00:03:14,926 I mean, I could hook this car battery up to my nipples. 53 00:03:15,962 --> 00:03:16,929 Oh, God! 54 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,122 Ow! Ow! Ow! 55 00:03:18,231 --> 00:03:19,858 This doing it for you? 56 00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:24,665 I don't know. I just don't feel that spark anymore. 57 00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:28,229 I mean, our honeymoon. So much rug burn! 58 00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:30,309 Wait a second, Lois. That's what we need. 59 00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:31,877 We'll go on a second honeymoon. 60 00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:34,469 Peter, that's a wonderful idea! 61 00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:36,640 Yeah. We'll be just like The Honeymooners! 62 00:03:36,749 --> 00:03:39,912 One of these days, Alice. One of these days... 63 00:03:40,019 --> 00:03:42,988 Yeah, yeah. I know, Ralph. Right to the moon. 64 00:03:51,831 --> 00:03:54,299 Well, that's everything. Now, remember, kids... 65 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:57,267 Brian is in charge while your father and I are out at Cape Cod. 66 00:03:57,370 --> 00:04:00,533 I'll take good care of them, Lois. You guys have a good time. 67 00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:04,905 - Be good. - Bye, Mom, I love you! 68 00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:09,142 Brian, if I choose to make stool in my pants right now... 69 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,978 you're the only one here to change me. 70 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,346 What do you think of that? 71 00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:13,783 - I'm not gonna change you. - What? 72 00:04:13,886 --> 00:04:16,548 - I said, I'm not going to change you. - You can't be serious. 73 00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:18,248 What if I make a fudgie? 74 00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:20,849 I just won't, that's all. I just won't. 75 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:22,222 Blast, I just did! 76 00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:24,395 Chris, cut it out! 77 00:04:24,497 --> 00:04:28,058 Brian, Chris just picked his nose and he keeps touching me with his finger! 78 00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:32,001 What good is mining nose gold if I can't share it with the townspeople? 79 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:35,302 I swear to God, these kids are gonna make me put a bullet through my head. 80 00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:37,968 If I was in charge, we wouldn't be having this problem. 81 00:04:38,077 --> 00:04:39,237 You got some ideas? Tell me. 82 00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:42,712 I'll tell you. Of course, I'll want a favor in exchange. 83 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:47,077 How does it smell, dog? Does it smell like servitude? 84 00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:49,853 Aft torpedoes, fire! 85 00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:53,650 Lois? 86 00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:57,120 Hey, Lois, honey? 87 00:04:59,165 --> 00:05:00,530 Sweetheart? 88 00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:04,759 You're awake! 89 00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:08,363 - Hey, can you hand me the pretzels? - Here. Where are we? 90 00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:12,410 About two hours from Cape Cod's most luxurious bed and breakfast. 91 00:05:12,512 --> 00:05:14,537 Peter, this is gonna be wonderful. 92 00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:17,673 I'm so excited I want to prep my diaphragm now. 93 00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:20,276 Gross. Hey, why don't you go back to sleep? 94 00:05:20,386 --> 00:05:22,513 - I'll wake you up when we get there. - Okay. 95 00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:39,571 Look at all those hamburgers. 96 00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:42,607 You can't eat all those hamburgers, you stupid fellow! 97 00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:53,176 He's gonna do it! He's so ridiculous. 98 00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:56,187 You hear me, you ridiculous man? You're... 99 00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:03,186 Peter, what the hell is wrong with you? I fall asleep for 10 minutes... 100 00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:05,161 and you plow the car into a tree? 101 00:06:05,264 --> 00:06:09,166 Oh, my God! You got to pay attention to the road. We could have been killed! 102 00:06:09,268 --> 00:06:10,963 I mean, look at the front of our car. 103 00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:13,300 It's totaled. It's completely totaled, Peter! 104 00:06:13,406 --> 00:06:15,738 This is just terrific. How are we gonna get... 105 00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:16,968 Oh, my God! 106 00:06:17,076 --> 00:06:19,374 I knew I should have driven. I should always drive. 107 00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:21,811 I cannot trust you, Peter Griffin! 108 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,150 Dear God, this is where we're sleeping? 109 00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:31,780 Come on, Lois. They said they'd have the car fixed by tomorrow. 110 00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:34,257 And then our second honeymoon's back on track. 111 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:35,850 Peter, there's a hooker on the bed. 112 00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:38,123 - Hi. - Stand perfectly still, Lois. 113 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,597 Their vision is based on movement. 114 00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:42,291 Where did you go? 115 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:47,061 And now back to Two and a Half Men. 116 00:06:50,843 --> 00:06:52,140 Kill me! 117 00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:55,179 Turn it, Chris. I want to watch George Lopez. 118 00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:59,047 That show only furthers the stereotype that George Lopez is funny. 119 00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,915 - Give me that! - Chris, Give me the remote. 120 00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:03,318 - Chris, stop! - Stop doing that! 121 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,549 My hat! 122 00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,820 Wear it now. 123 00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:12,928 You two better settle down. 124 00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:15,694 - Chris, give Meg her hat. - I don't have to listen to you. 125 00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:18,794 You're a dog! You don't have a soul! 126 00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:19,872 Ow. 127 00:07:19,972 --> 00:07:21,872 Don't take that. Raise your voice to them. 128 00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:23,566 Hey! Knock it off! 129 00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:29,077 Look, you kids are obviously in need of some type of activity. 130 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,548 I don't know. What do you say we read a book or something? 131 00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:33,414 Stewie, what does Peter have on his bookshelf? 132 00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:38,286 Two Garfield books and the novelization of the movie Caddyshack. 133 00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:42,219 "Mananananana," said Ty, sinking yet another ball. 134 00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:43,590 "Mananananana... " Hang on. 135 00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,688 Thank God. 136 00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:49,900 "Garfield at Large, by Jim Davis. " 137 00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:54,405 Now, as you can see in this panel, Garfield doesn't care for Nermal. 138 00:07:54,507 --> 00:07:58,034 But like him or not, Nermal is here to stay. 139 00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,476 Or is he? Let's read on. 140 00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,207 Okay, I'll be there. 141 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:05,148 Peter and Lois were supposed to chaperone Chris' school dance... 142 00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:07,082 tomorrow night. So, I guess it's up to me. 143 00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:10,417 You mean it's up to us. Clearly you need my help with this parenting thing. 144 00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:11,820 You're too stupid to do it alone. 145 00:08:11,924 --> 00:08:15,416 Besides, I know how to deal with children, unlike Mr. Geppetto. 146 00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:20,058 Oh, no. I dropped my glasses. 147 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,436 By the way, Pinocchio, there was a cookie missing from the jar. 148 00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:26,630 Did you take it by any chance? 149 00:08:26,739 --> 00:08:29,264 Yes, Papa Geppetto. I'm sorry. 150 00:08:29,475 --> 00:08:33,536 Are you sure you took it? Because I'd believe you if you said you didn't. 151 00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:36,410 No, I took it, Papa. I wouldn't lie to you. 152 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:39,144 You could try. Who knows? You might get away with it. 153 00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:44,485 $900 to fix the car. 154 00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:46,285 That was all the money we had for this trip. 155 00:08:46,392 --> 00:08:48,587 Look, Peter, this second honeymoon was a nice thought... 156 00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:50,525 but maybe we should just go home. 157 00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:55,362 Coming up, handsome mustachioed man recaps news in pleasing baritone. 158 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,095 Stay tuned for this and more. 159 00:08:58,337 --> 00:09:02,171 But first, Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa is on hand for the opening... 160 00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,300 of Manhattan's newest luxury hotel. 161 00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:07,243 Diane, I am standing outside the Park Barrington Hotel... 162 00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:10,179 because they don't allow Asians inside. 163 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:13,684 Fancy place. Boy, that'd make some second honeymoon. 164 00:09:13,786 --> 00:09:17,517 The Park Barrington is already attracting some big names. 165 00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:21,650 Such as Christianity enthusiast Mel Gibson, who has his own room... 166 00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:26,198 on permanent reserve. A room which he barely uses. 167 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:30,599 Barely uses? Lois, I just got an idea! 168 00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:33,433 Much better than that time I experimented with gene splicing. 169 00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:37,201 Lois, quick question. Do we have any Tylenol? 170 00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:45,981 How I envy them, dog. They've got their whole lives ahead of them. 171 00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:49,543 Man, look at that kid. That is one ugly eighth grader. 172 00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:51,748 You don't want to hurt yourself dancing. 173 00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:55,623 Make sure you stretch out those creamy hamstrings. 174 00:09:56,862 --> 00:09:59,126 Come on, Chris. It's just vodka. 175 00:09:59,231 --> 00:10:01,722 Jake swiped it from his dad's liquor cabinet. 176 00:10:02,001 --> 00:10:03,832 Yeah, see? It's good. 177 00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:06,995 Well, okay. Maybe just one sip. 178 00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:10,101 Christopher Griffin, is that alcohol? 179 00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:12,109 Mister, you're in serious trouble. 180 00:10:12,211 --> 00:10:16,011 He's absolutely right, kids. Because when you drink, nobody wins. 181 00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:19,482 In fact, last year alone, there were over 27,000 deaths from... 182 00:10:19,585 --> 00:10:22,213 chronic liver disease as a result of alcohol abuse. 183 00:10:22,321 --> 00:10:25,290 - Now we know. - And knowing is half the battle. 184 00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:29,024 G.I. Joe! 185 00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:38,531 - Peter, we can't afford this. - No, but Mel Gibson can. 186 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:45,771 Excuse me, I'm Mel Gibson, here for the key to my specially reserved room. 187 00:10:45,911 --> 00:10:46,935 You're Mel Gibson? 188 00:10:47,046 --> 00:10:49,344 Yes, I've put on a few pounds for my next role. 189 00:10:49,448 --> 00:10:54,112 I play Peter Griffin, a heroic warrior who defied the English to free England... 190 00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:56,051 - from the English. - Holy mackerel! 191 00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:57,986 Let me show you to your room, Mr. Gibson! 192 00:10:58,891 --> 00:11:00,859 Peter, the toilet paper is made of money. 193 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:04,327 Yeah, and look at this. They even got some of that high-class British porn. 194 00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:07,991 Almost. Almost. Almost. 195 00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,767 - There we are. - Well done. 196 00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:13,329 Did you think you were cool? 197 00:11:13,973 --> 00:11:16,100 Did you think you were grown up? 198 00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:18,073 I didn't actually drink any of it. 199 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,304 Besides, Jake Tucker gave it to me. 200 00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:23,849 We are going to have a talk with Jake's parents tomorrow after my burping. 201 00:11:23,949 --> 00:11:25,712 And, in the meantime, you're grounded, Chris. 202 00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:27,547 Come on. That sucks! 203 00:11:27,653 --> 00:11:30,645 - Do you want us to pull over? - I don't care what you do! 204 00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:33,122 We'll pull over. We'll pull over. Pull over. 205 00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:42,396 If your teachers ask about your bruises, what do you tell them? 206 00:11:42,501 --> 00:11:45,493 I got hit by a baseball! 207 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,903 - Mel! - Mel? Wait a minute. 208 00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:57,209 You were fantasizing about Mel Gibson. 209 00:11:58,484 --> 00:12:00,418 You don't find me attractive anymore. 210 00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:02,453 Honey, I'm sorry. I know you're trying. 211 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,649 But you can't force the spark back into our marriage. 212 00:12:05,758 --> 00:12:09,250 Well, then I guess this whole second honeymoon was a waste of time. 213 00:12:09,361 --> 00:12:11,022 - Peter... - I don't want to talk about it! 214 00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:12,529 I'm just gonna watch British porn. 215 00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,801 You know, Margaret, we could have sexual intercourse right now. 216 00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:20,133 - Yes, yes we could. - But, let's not. 217 00:12:24,143 --> 00:12:26,338 Do you think we were too hard on Chris tonight? 218 00:12:26,445 --> 00:12:28,811 What? Oh, God, no. 219 00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,074 No, no. I don't... 220 00:12:30,182 --> 00:12:31,479 I don't think so. 221 00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:33,051 Do you? 222 00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:36,588 No, I just always feel badly when we have to be strict. 223 00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:39,449 Did I remember to turn the stove off? 224 00:12:39,859 --> 00:12:40,883 Yes. 225 00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:44,786 I'm sorry for everything that's happened, Peter. 226 00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:46,626 I guess I'm going through a phase right now... 227 00:12:46,732 --> 00:12:48,290 where I'm only attracted to handsome men. 228 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:49,924 Well, what are we supposed to do, Lois? 229 00:12:50,035 --> 00:12:52,333 Just admit that there's no excitement left in our marriage? 230 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,998 Go home and spend the rest of our lives looking at each other... 231 00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:57,940 across the breakfast table, talking about how much we both like Total? 232 00:12:58,043 --> 00:12:59,874 - I love Total. - Actually, so do I. 233 00:12:59,979 --> 00:13:02,971 And it's healthy for us, too. Oh, God! It's starting already! 234 00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:04,845 Lois, we are screwed. 235 00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:12,885 Mel Gibson's secret screening room. 236 00:13:12,992 --> 00:13:14,619 Hey, what's this? 237 00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:23,000 The Messiah, he's gone. 238 00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:24,160 Where did he go? 239 00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:30,468 Hang on. 240 00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:34,038 Man, you crazy, Jesus. You crazy! 241 00:13:34,246 --> 00:13:35,770 That's what my ex-wife said. 242 00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:40,143 For the son of God, you sure are a son of a... 243 00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:44,281 Chris Tucker and Jim... 244 00:13:45,691 --> 00:13:48,592 Caviziel? Is that it? The guy from the first one? 245 00:13:48,694 --> 00:13:50,787 Passion of the Christ 2: 246 00:13:50,896 --> 00:13:51,920 Crucify This. 247 00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:04,100 - You know how to use one of these? - You know how to use one of these? 248 00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:10,112 This July, let he who is without sin... 249 00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:12,844 kick the first ass. 250 00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:17,445 Man, that's all we need. More Mel Gibson Jesus mumbo jumbo. 251 00:14:17,556 --> 00:14:19,456 Well, not if I have anything to say about it! 252 00:14:19,558 --> 00:14:22,584 I am going to make sure this never sees the light of day. 253 00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,094 Peter, are you crazy? 254 00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:27,256 Stealing Mel Gibson's towels, bathrobes, and Nazi paraphernalia... 255 00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:29,994 is one thing, but this is a multi-million-dollar film. 256 00:14:30,102 --> 00:14:32,002 And he's a very powerful man. 257 00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:34,265 He could have us arrested or killed. 258 00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:35,965 It's worth the risk, Lois. 259 00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:38,908 To save the world another two hours of torture. 260 00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:42,310 We gotta get rid of this thing for the sake of Jesus and Snoopy... 261 00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:44,644 and all the other beloved children's characters. 262 00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:45,739 Let's go! 263 00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:48,610 Pardon me. We work for Mel Gibson. 264 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:52,157 Seems he left something very valuable in his room and we're here to retrieve it. 265 00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:54,351 Mr. Gibson just checked out a moment ago. 266 00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:55,927 There he goes now. 267 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:57,859 Lois, run! 268 00:14:57,963 --> 00:14:59,260 Hey, stop! 269 00:15:15,814 --> 00:15:17,213 They're gaining on us. 270 00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:18,943 We never should have stolen this film. 271 00:15:19,051 --> 00:15:22,350 Man, this is even more intense than that time I forgot how to sit down. 272 00:15:28,627 --> 00:15:31,061 Don't worry, Lois. I think I know how to lose them. 273 00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:39,598 - Peter, what the hell are you doing? - Lois, trust me. 274 00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:43,368 - How many times have I done this before? - All right, but be careful. 275 00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:10,960 Okay, now, be polite. And for God's sake... 276 00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:12,765 don't mention anything about his kid's face. 277 00:16:12,871 --> 00:16:15,635 Shut up! I am always so polite. 278 00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:20,110 I hope we don't wind up on the evening news 'cause of this. 279 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,243 You're funny. 280 00:16:23,849 --> 00:16:25,749 Brian, please come in. 281 00:16:26,952 --> 00:16:28,749 Can my wife, Stacy, get you anything? 282 00:16:28,854 --> 00:16:31,118 - Go to hell, Tom. - Already there, hon. 283 00:16:31,223 --> 00:16:34,681 Yes, well, Mr. Tucker, it seems your son Jake had some vodka... 284 00:16:34,793 --> 00:16:37,956 at the school dance and Chris got blamed for it. 285 00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:42,261 This whole situation has just turned his whole life upside-down face. 286 00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:49,965 It's no concern of mine if it's turned his life upside-down face. 287 00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:52,475 - Jake's a good boy. Aren't you, Jake? - Yeah! 288 00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,045 - Look, Mr. Tucker, I... - We're through here. 289 00:16:54,146 --> 00:16:55,135 Get out of my house, Benji! 290 00:16:55,247 --> 00:16:58,182 Fine! If you're gonna be that way about it, maybe I'll do this. 291 00:16:58,283 --> 00:16:59,910 - Yeah, look at this. - Stop that! 292 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,247 Yeah, you don't like this, huh? 293 00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:04,186 - This is what Benji would do. - Stop doing that in my carpet! 294 00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:07,690 - Knock it off! Stop it! - That feels so good. 295 00:17:09,261 --> 00:17:12,856 There's got to be a way to get back at Jake Tucker for what he did to Chris. 296 00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:16,025 I know! Let's plant drugs in his locker. 297 00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:19,434 - Oh, my God! That's a great idea. - Yeah, thought you'd like that. 298 00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:22,098 Hey, look at that Yosemite Sam mud flap. 299 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,437 You had better stay back, Brian. 300 00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:29,369 I think we lost them. 301 00:17:30,682 --> 00:17:32,775 You stay here. I'm gonna go bury this film. 302 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,356 Well, Mel Gibson, this is one piece of crap... 303 00:17:38,457 --> 00:17:40,391 the world will never have to suffer through. 304 00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:42,759 I am so clever. 305 00:17:42,861 --> 00:17:45,261 That's why they picked me to convince Congress to go to war. 306 00:17:46,365 --> 00:17:49,391 There is no just cause for an invasion of Iraq. 307 00:17:49,501 --> 00:17:52,299 Well, that may be. But what we're all forgetting is... 308 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:54,895 anyone who doesn't want to go to war is gay. 309 00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,975 - I want to go to war. - Yes. 310 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,442 - We should definitely go. - Yes, we should totally go to war. 311 00:17:59,545 --> 00:18:01,342 I was the first one who wanted to go to war. 312 00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:17,487 Peter! 313 00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,356 Lois! 314 00:18:36,715 --> 00:18:39,946 Don't take this personally, Mrs. Griffin. I'm doing this because I have to. 315 00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,314 What are you gonna do to me? 316 00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:43,012 What are you gonna do to me? 317 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:46,285 As soon as your husband gives me what I want, you're free to go. 318 00:18:46,391 --> 00:18:47,688 Anybody home? 319 00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:51,660 - Peter! - All right, Gibson. I want my wife back. 320 00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:53,663 Or a woman of equal physical attractiveness. 321 00:18:53,765 --> 00:18:54,959 Where's the film? 322 00:18:56,668 --> 00:19:00,229 - Come on, honey, let's get out of here. - You're just gonna give him the film? 323 00:19:00,339 --> 00:19:02,398 Don't worry, Lois. There's a dog turd in there. 324 00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:04,499 But by the time he finds out, we'll be long... 325 00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:06,077 There's a dog turd in here. 326 00:19:06,545 --> 00:19:07,637 - Lois? - What? 327 00:19:07,746 --> 00:19:08,838 Jump! 328 00:19:10,716 --> 00:19:11,740 No, wait! 329 00:19:11,850 --> 00:19:14,683 I'll deal with them myself. 330 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,291 We're on top of the monument. 331 00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:24,555 Holy crap! 332 00:19:30,869 --> 00:19:33,497 You know, I know this is the wrong time to be star struck... 333 00:19:33,605 --> 00:19:36,267 but Mel Gibson is shooting at us. 334 00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:42,036 Peter, help! 335 00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:44,377 Oh, man. I'm coming, Lois. 336 00:19:45,384 --> 00:19:47,648 Lois, look. I'm a booger. 337 00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:51,519 - Peter, for God's sake! - Okay. Grab my hand. 338 00:19:53,992 --> 00:19:57,189 And now, Mr. Griffin, I want that film. 339 00:19:57,296 --> 00:20:00,754 Sure. It's right over there in President Rushmore's mouth. 340 00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:09,435 My God! He just walked right over the edge. 341 00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:12,942 Of course, he did. Christians don't believe in gravity. 342 00:20:16,481 --> 00:20:19,473 - Peter, it's back. - What, that rash? 343 00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:21,052 No, the spark. 344 00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:25,385 Honey, I have never been more attracted to you than I am right now. 345 00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:26,923 Really? Wow! 346 00:20:27,025 --> 00:20:29,858 So I guess this honeymoon was just the kind of excitement... 347 00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,190 our marriage needed. 348 00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:34,766 - I guess it just goes to show that you... - Shut up and let's do it! 349 00:20:39,104 --> 00:20:41,470 Peter! Yes! 350 00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:45,270 Hey, Jefferson, check it out. A chick getting nailed on my head. 351 00:20:45,377 --> 00:20:48,540 Sweet. Hey, Teddy, pass the word down to Frankenstein. 352 00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:49,976 Oh, ha-ha! 353 00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:54,411 In local news, a Buddy Cianci Junior High School student... 354 00:20:54,519 --> 00:20:56,714 has been arrested for possession of drugs. 355 00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:59,791 The student has been sentenced to 200 hours of community service... 356 00:20:59,891 --> 00:21:01,620 and is a very bad boy. 357 00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:04,924 We now go to Ollie Williams for the punishment forecast. Ollie? 358 00:21:05,030 --> 00:21:06,497 - He gonna get it! - Thanks, Ollie. 359 00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:07,565 Now this. 360 00:21:07,666 --> 00:21:09,657 So you actually put coke in that kid's locker? 361 00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:11,258 - Yup. - Where'd you get it? 362 00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:12,337 I got a guy. 363 00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:15,895 Don't let it get the best of you. I used to be a lawyer. 364 00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:19,068 See you next week. Good to be back, America.